Having good looks, charm and being physically fit are all important, but what if you want additional support to make the date more emotionally impactful?

One way is through being aware of the implications of the cognitive-physiological formulation of emotion.

Different emotions are accompanied by recognizably different bodily states, and the direct manipulation of bodily state, by drugs or surgery, also manipulates emotional state.  For instance, you might not be too brave approaching an attractive stranger, but after a few drinks you would feel social and courageous enough to say hi.

Instead of alcohol or drugs, you can use more natural means to change your state of being so that you and your date feel more lovey feelings about each other.

For instance, one way emotions can be led so that your date has more feelings for you is through the 'misattribution of arousal'.  This is a fancy term that is similar to anchoring in NLP and Pavlovian conditioning. This is about having your date feeling states of excitement and then having those feelings associated with you.

This can happen with music, food, fear or activities.

For example if falling in love means having an elevated heart rate when with your date, then what if you elevated their heart rate while being with them, but not exactly because of your incredible allure? Or what if you both were doing something that caused your emotions to ramp up so that you both associate this spike in emotions with each other?

Here are a few examples:

Analyses indicated that women, but not men, gave significantly higher ratings of facial attractiveness and dating desirability after having listened to music than in the silent control condition.  The more complex the music, the more the women found the mens faces attractive.

When the dessert tray comes out and your date is drooling and groping it with their eyes, that's the time to stand in front of it!  Why?  To get your date to associate the state of 'liking and wanting' with you!  She really wants those desserts and since her state of being is in this 'wanting' phase, the more you can incorporate yourself into that association, the better.

The caffeine will cause elevated heart rate and increased alertness.

Now with your date being more focused and with their heart beating faster, this is a great time to create eye contact and get in their face.  Your date is physiologically exhibiting the signs of love, but is it because your date likes you or is it the caffeine in the mochaccino with skim milk?  Since the neurons that fire together wire together, the goals is to have your date fire and wire together these states of positivity and excitement which they already have with the coffee and have that state spill over into associations with you. 

Walk across the street on a green light? Nooooo!We have to get the pulse rate to rise so that all that quick heart pumping gets your date to associate this rush of adrenaline to you.  This can be done by crossing on a fading green light and running across like a couple naughty rebels! Maybe hold hands or have some physical contact to associate the rush with you.

How about a hiking trip?  A good hike can elevate heart rates.
Horror movies?  Yup.
Scary bridges?  Yup.

Capilano Canyon Suspension Bridge

Bridge for Research re: Misattribution of Arousal

A research study was done on a scary suspension bridge and a not scary bridge.

Both bridges had a woman on it and her job was to take a survey from single men and have them come up with a quick random story.

The guys on the scary bridge came up with stories that had more sexual related content.  And more guys on the scary bridge called the woman back  after doing the survey.


The scary bridge brings up more arousal and fear, and this state of being is linked to sex.

So a bizarre date for initiating misattribution of arousal might be meeting for a double espresso, followed by a hiking trip across a suspension bridge while you play Rachmaninoff on a kazoo as you're heading to see a horror movie.
After that, you'll have more feelings for each other, and can use the next date for down time, perfect for canoodling!

If there is no attraction, the misattribution of arousal won't work.
If there is attraction, the misattribution of arousal, in particular fear, will likely amplify feelings of love.


Some evidence for heightened sexual attraction under conditions of high anxiety. Journal of Personality and Social Psychology, 30(4), 510-517. Dutton, D. G., & Aron, A. P. (1974).

Misattribution of musical arousal increases sexual attraction towards opposite-sex faces in females.
Marin MM, Schober R, Gingras B, Leder H.

The Interaction of Cognitive and Physiological Determinants of Emotional State. Department of Social Psychology Columbia University New York, New York. Stanley Schachter

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