Richard Gray Ph.D wrote the book, "About Addictions - Notes from Psychology, Neuroluingistic Programming and Neuroscience' and also created the Brooklyn Program.  This was a program for helping convicts to overcome drug addictions.  The program was successful.  Dr Richard Gray, creator of the program, said that there are 3 elements that are common in literature about overcoming addiction and that these three elements were included in the Brooklyn Program.  In another book of his 'Transforming Futures: The Brooklyn Program Facilitators Manual ' he goes into more depth as to how these three parts were used to help people overcome addictions and create new futures.  This is handy especially if you have an addiction to your ex and need to move forward without them. 


First is Self-esteem, which has been considered the elusive universal remedy for all manner of problems.  Here, self-esteem flows out of developing a more intimate sense of self that evolves from the realization of the Call, or a personal direction. Or what may also be referred to as the hero's journey.  In the past, we have misunderstood self esteem as flowing from power, position, possessions or other more or less concrete entities.  Here we understand that Self-Esteem flows from a true knowledge of Self.


Second is Self Efficacy.  This was originally defined by Albert Bandura as 'the individual’s ability to experience a degree of control about themselves and their environment.'
Addicts and substance abuse survivors have experienced considerable and increasing control deficits in their lives. 

By definition, addiction entails a narrowing of focus and loss of control to the addictive behaviour.

With getting over addiction to an ex, it can seem like there is a loss of control and a narrowing of focus on the past relationship.  With time it makes living in the present feel foggy and stuck while long term thinking and states of excitement and peace of mind  to the solution is minimized.
Overcoming the addiction requires restoring a sense of control, choice and mastery.   The Brooklyn program worked in part because it would open options for new behaviours that are not focused in addictive patterns of seeking the addictive substance.


The third element for overcoming addictions is Futurity.
By being able to have a future that is more exciting and rewarding than being with your ex makes the addiction all the easier to quit.  The more exciting your future is, the more you can become positively addicted to it like anyone that is created long term success in any field.  People do things that they enjoy.  What can you enjoy more of that you haven't considered yet you will once you begin to imagine how your future can be better?

If you would like to get over your ex and rebuild your future, you may want to consider downloading a free mp3 'hypnosis to get over a breakup' which will help you to relax and begin to focus more on the future than on the past.

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