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How to Move on from a Breakup When you Want to Stay Friends with Your Ex, According to a Therapist

How to Move on from a Breakup When you Want to Stay Friends with Your Ex, According to a Therapist

Dear therapist,

Living with my ex-partner has proven to be a challenging experience following our unexpected breakup. I'm grappling with the complexities of moving on, especially considering the depth of our past connection and the desire to remain friends. The breakup hit me unexpectedly, as we had shared two years of cohabitation and nearly three years of a relationship filled with love and envisioning a shared future.

Over the last year, my mental health took a toll, leading to irritability and a lack of attention towards my partner. Our once-thriving connection dwindled, and we found ourselves feeling like mere roommates. After a two-week break initiated by my partner, we had hopeful moments of reconciliation, but ultimately, they decided to end the relationship, citing a lack of energy to revive it.

Despite the breakup, we continue to share a living space and a dog, leaving me in a state of confusion akin to relationship purgatory. I want to repair our connection, but the circumstances seem challenging.

--Therapist Patrice Le Goy suggests that living with an ex can amplify the heartbreak, creating a continuous cycle of emotional distress. Moving out is advised, but if that's not immediately feasible, setting clear boundaries with your ex is crucial.

Le Goy emphasizes the importance of creating time and space for self-focus to heal effectively. Moving out, if possible, allows for a physical and emotional separation, reducing the daily reminders of the breakup. Three examples highlight how to navigate this challenging situation:

Consider Moving Out: If resources permit, moving out can be a transformative step. It provides the necessary physical distance to facilitate emotional healing and individual growth.

Set Boundaries: Communicate openly with your ex about establishing boundaries, especially if moving out is not immediately feasible. Define clear guidelines, such as sleeping in separate rooms or refraining from discussing new dates, to create emotional space.

Embrace Newness: Explore new activities, revisit old hobbies, and invest time in friendships outside the shared living space. Leaning into new experiences fosters personal growth and reminds you of life beyond the relationship.

Le Goy advises against clinging too tightly to hope for reconciliation, as it may hinder personal progress and strain the existing friendship. Instead, focus on self-care and the potential for a new and uncertain chapter.

Remember, taking steps to move on is an act of bravery, demonstrating respect for your ex's needs and faith in your ability to navigate the challenges that lie ahead.

Wishing you strength and resilience.


Learn the mental training strategies used by the military to clear veterans of PTSD.  This is the strategy mentioned in the Washington Post that is considered the most effective and least known protocol for changing problem memories.

Get Over a Breakup and Learn to Change problem memories so you can move forward without the baggage of a past relationship.

Learn how to get over a breakup fast and change the memories of your ex, for good!

 

 

 

Should I Get Back Together with My Ex?

Should I Get Back Together with My Ex?

If you’re considering getting back together with your ex, it’s important to take a step back and evaluate the situation. While it’s natural to have feelings of nostalgia and longing for the past, it’s important to consider whether getting back together is the right choice for you.

Firstly, it’s important to consider why you broke up in the first place. Was it due to a fundamental incompatibility, or was it due to external factors such as distance or timing? If the reason for the breakup was due to a fundamental incompatibility, then it’s unlikely that getting back together will lead to a successful relationship. However, if the reason for the breakup was due to external factors, then it might be worth exploring the possibility of getting back together and contacting your ex, even if they dumped you.

Secondly, you need to consider whether you’re both willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work. Relationships require a lot of work and commitment, and if one person isn’t willing to put in the effort, then it’s unlikely that the relationship will succeed. Before getting back together, have an honest conversation with your ex about your expectations and goals for the relationship.

Thirdly, you need to consider whether you’re both willing to forgive and forget. If there were issues in the past that led to the breakup, then it’s important to address them before getting back together. Both parties need to be willing to forgive and forget in order to move forward.

Fourthly, you need to consider whether you’re both on the same page regarding the future. Do you both want the same things out of life? Are you both looking for a long-term commitment? If you’re not on the same page regarding the future, then it’s unlikely that the relationship will succeed.

Finally, you need to consider whether getting back together is the right choice for you. Are you getting back together because you’re afraid of being alone, or because you genuinely believe that the relationship has a chance of succeeding? It’s important to be honest with yourself about your motivations for getting back together.

In conclusion, whether or not you should get back together with your ex depends on your individual situation. It’s important to consider why you broke up in the first place, whether you’re both willing to put in the effort to make the relationship work, whether you’re both willing to forgive and forget, whether you’re both on the same page regarding the future, and whether getting back together is the right choice for you. Remember, relationships require a lot of work and commitment, and it’s important to be honest with yourself and your partner about your expectations and goals.

Understanding and Overcoming Forgetfulness: A Guide to 7 Common Causes of Forgetfulness

Understanding and Overcoming Forgetfulness: A Guide to 7 Common Causes of Forgetfulness

Forgetfulness has become an increasingly common concern. Whether it's forgetting where you placed your keys or missing an important appointment, memory lapses can be frustrating. In this guide, we'll delve into the seven common causes of forgetfulness and provide practical strategies to help you overcome them.

1. Lack of Quality Sleep

The Link Between Sleep and Memory
Quality sleep is the foundation of a sharp memory. During deep sleep, your brain consolidates memories, helping you retain information more effectively. However, busy schedules and stress can often lead to inadequate sleep, negatively impacting memory.

Solution: Prioritize getting 7-9 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night to improve memory consolidation and overall cognitive function.

2. Stress and Anxiety

The Cognitive Effects of Stress
Chronic stress and anxiety can wreak havoc on your memory. Stress hormones like cortisol can impair memory formation and retrieval, leading to forgetfulness.
Solution: Practice stress-reduction techniques such as meditation, deep breathing exercises, or yoga to alleviate anxiety and improve memory.

3. Nutritional Deficiencies

Fueling Your Brain
A well-balanced diet is essential for optimal brain function. Nutritional deficiencies, particularly in vitamins like B12 and D, can lead to cognitive decline and forgetfulness.
Solution: Consume a diet rich in fruits, vegetables, lean proteins, and whole grains. Consider supplements if you have identified specific deficiencies.

4. Lack of Mental Stimulation

Exercise Your Mind
A sedentary lifestyle can contribute to forgetfulness. Just as physical exercise is crucial for your body, mental exercise is vital for your brain.
Solution: Engage in activities that challenge your brain, such as puzzles, reading, or learning a new skill.

5. Medication Side Effects

Medications and Memory
Certain medications can have memory-related side effects. If you suspect your medication may be contributing to forgetfulness, consult your healthcare provider.
Solution: Discuss alternative medications or dosage adjustments with your healthcare professional.

6. Age-Related Memory Decline

Navigating Aging and Memory
As we age, it's common to experience some degree of memory decline. This natural process, known as age-related cognitive decline, can be managed with the right strategies.
Solution: Stay mentally and socially active, maintain a healthy lifestyle, and consider memory-enhancing techniques.

7. Underlying Medical Conditions

When to Seek Medical Attention
In some cases, forgetfulness may be a symptom of an underlying medical condition such as Alzheimer's disease or thyroid disorders. It's essential to recognize when memory issues warrant medical evaluation.

Solution: If forgetfulness is severe, persistent, or accompanied by other concerning symptoms, consult a healthcare professional for a thorough evaluation.

Conclusion

Forgetfulness can be a frustrating and disruptive experience, but it's essential to remember that there are effective strategies to address and mitigate its causes. By prioritizing quality sleep, managing stress, maintaining a balanced diet, engaging in mental stimulation, and seeking professional guidance when necessary, you can improve your memory and overall cognitive function.

Don't let forgetfulness hold you back; take proactive steps today to boost your memory and live a more fulfilling life. For more expert advice on cognitive health and well-being, consider reading about how to overcome forgetfulness.

Remember, your memory is a precious asset, and with the right knowledge and actions, you can keep it sharp for years to come.

11 Weird Phobias You’ve Probably Never Heard Of.

11 Weird Phobias You’ve Probably Never Heard Of.

Phobias can manifest in various unusual and sometimes bizarre ways. We've all heard of snake phobias and fear of elevators but these are some unusual fears that you've likely not heard of.

Here are 11 weird and real phobias:

1. Hippopotomonstrosesquipedaliophobi: This phobia is the fear of long words. Ironically, the term for this phobia is exceptionally long, making it a bit of a cruel joke for those who have it.

2. Pogonophobia: This is the fear of beards. People with this phobia may feel uncomfortable or anxious around individuals with facial hair, which can be quite challenging in a world where beards are trendy.

3. Arachibutyrophobia: This unusual phobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth. It's a very specific and rarely encountered phobia.

4. Phobophobia: This is the fear of phobias themselves. It's the fear of being afraid or developing a phobia, which can lead to a vicious cycle of anxiety.

5. Ablutophobia: This is the fear of bathing or washing. People with this phobia may avoid bathing or using water for personal hygiene, which can have serious consequences for their health.

6. Chorophobia: This phobia refers to the fear of dancing. Individuals with chorophobia may experience anxiety or discomfort when exposed to dancing or social situations that involve dancing.

7. Siderodromophobia: This is the fear of trains or railroads. It can be related to a fear of train travel or even a fear of train tracks and locomotives.

8. Nomophobia: In the digital age, this phobia is becoming more common. Nomophobia is the fear of being without your mobile phone or not having access to it.

9. Omphalophobia: This is the fear of belly buttons or navel. People with this phobia may feel uncomfortable touching or even looking at belly buttons.

10. Aulophobia: Aulophobia is the fear of flutes. This phobia can be triggered by the sight or sound of flutes or other wind instruments.

11. Coulrophobia: Many people have heard of this one. Coulrophobia is the fear of clowns. It's a relatively common phobia, and clowns can be a source of anxiety for some individuals, especially children.

Phobias can be irrational and can significantly impact a person's daily life. While some of these phobias may seem quirky or unusual, they are very real to those who experience them and may require professional help for treatment.  If you're looking to remove a phobia, you might want to check out this post about how Michael Strahan got his snake phobia cured in less than 5 hours.

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