In this video below we get to hear Dr. Joe Dispenza talk about what to say to someone to get over a breakup and to someone that won't forgive their ex.
'I'd say to them I want you to think about something in your life that you've done that you would like forgiveness for that you don't feel good about and forgive that person the way that you would want to be forgiven and you would be forgiven yourself.'
We've all had indiscretions. Nobody's perfect. So that person is still in the emotional state.
The problem with that is that no new information can enter the nervous system that is not equal to the emotion the person's experiencing because it's not relevant.
So the question really is, is how long do you want to do that?
How long do you want to do that?
When the person finally takes their attention off that and puts it on something else they notice that they feel differently.
It's a subjective process. When that person takes their attention off their ex, takes their attention off their past, and starts looking at themselves, denaturing that identity that's built on the past.
That person had a reaction to that circumstance and that reaction produces a refractory period of chemicals and emotions and if you don't know how to control that refractory period and it lasts for hours or days, it's called a mood.
Keep that same refractory period going on for weeks or months, now it's a temperament - one long emotional reaction.
You keep that refractory period going on for years on and that's a personality trait and most people's personalities are defined by.
'I am this way because my husband cheated on me.'
What you're really saying is you haven't changed in 10 years and you're giving your vital life force to that person.
Who is worth 10 years of your life ?
So then the stronger the emotion we feel, the more we pay attention to the cause.
Where you place your attention is where you place your energy.
To that person or that circumstance, lower the volume to that emotion. You take your attention off that person or promise not the person or the problem they're using unconsciously that person or that circumstance to reaffirm their addiction to that emotion that's why they keep thinking about it if they weren't addicted to that emotion they would stop they would stop thinking about it so then is it the person no it's the your left we'll take your ex-husband and put him in a a rocket and a straight jacket let's shoot him to the moon now what now what?
Now what do you do?
You still have that so embossed in your brain and conditioned in your body.
You have that moment, that catharsis, where you feel that emotion. Oxytocin levels go up just slightly in the research just a little bit more elevated. An elevation in oxytocin makes it impossible to hold a grudge. You cannot hold a grudge it's possible you just you just go I like this feeling better than that feeling and because I like this feeling better than that feeling, you're okay, forget about it, yeah I'm good.
That person who falls in love again that whose husband cheated on them who falls and loves again and finds a person who is intelligent and caring and kind and loving and provides. All of a sudden they can forgive that person, like oh my God I got that what had to happen because now I have better personality. Well if you don't let go of that, you're never going to have this, in fact if you bring that into the next relationship you're not going to have a healthy relationship because there's going to be a trust issue on every level. So then you want an equal, write down exactly what you want and become that person and see the experiments. See what comes to you, try it out, try it out, if I really work on. My God this emotion is actually now that I understand the science, this emotion is actually weakening me every day, it's it's just knocking my brain and body out of homeostasis stress. When our brain and body are knocked out of homeostasis and balance, turning on the stress response just by thought alone, hormones of stress down regulate genes and create disease, my thoughts are making me sick. Is that person or that circumstance worth it if my thoughts could make me sick?
Is it possible that my thoughts can make me well? Now you got to come up against the belief. No I don't really want to believe this. Then that really means that you want to stay in that emotional state. But go see some testimonials of people who who've had that and see their life that they're living now
The miracles, the synchronicities, the opportunities, the coincidences, the healings, they bless their past,
They say my disease, that condition, that was my greatest teacher and now the soul is free.
What we're looking for is wholeness so then it's not just the emotion. The emotion is driving a certain behavior, a certain habit of action, a certain series of thoughts that are associated with that person or that circumstance.
If you truly believe that you have the power within you to change, the first step would be would be saying 'I have to take responsibility for myself right now because I got to start thinking differently, I got to start acting differently, I start feeling different.'
But how is self-love born? I've studied this, when the person sits through the fire and sits through all of that anxiety, all that hatred, all that anger and keeps lowering the volume, sooner or later, the body's going to release it and when it's released, forgiveness is a side effect. You take your attention off the person because you no longer have the emotion to keep your attention on and in fact you feel so good. This feels better that you naturally forgive, it's not like 'now you're forgiven' it's not, like hey look at me I'm forgiving you, it's just kind of like, wow isn't life great yeah whoa you're good.
I mean you're good, I'm going on with my life right now, right? So emotions keep us stuck in the past and we tell that story and we reaffirm it. We get in trouble because you could have the most organic, vegan gluten-free ketogenic, triple filtered water, take all your vitamins, take all your nutrients, work out, do Pilates, do yoga, do your breathing, you do all of that, get your body chemically balanced get your body physically balanced, but if you're not going to get your body emotionally balanced forget it because the moment you get emotional, your body literally goes to the past.
That's the one that matters the most and people, once they realize it's the emotion that's signalling the gene, oh my God I better start really taking care of my emotional balance as much as I do with my physical exercise and my diet and all that other stuff. - from the Dr Joe Dispenza video how to forgive your ex after a breakup.
If you'd like more specialized and focused information on how to specifically get over your ex step-by-step and remove those emotional triggers associated to them and end that refractory period, you might want to check out the reprogramming mind course "How to Get Over Your Ex in Five Hours" which includes videos on how to use the current biology of memory reconsolidation to update and modify a memory so that you can move forward with your life.